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Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div., M.S.A., Editor
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101-Plus Differences Between
Givers And Takers
Thomas F. Fischer, M.Div, M.S.A.
Givers Takers Why shouldn't I help? Why should I help? Don't question motivations Ask "I wonder what they want?" Ask, "How will this benefit others?" Ask, "What's in it for me?" Releasing Controlling Finds power and peace
in spiritual wisdom
Finds power and peace in externals and things Willing to be servants Must be "lords" Follows the flow with insight Appears "In control" Rolls with the punches Easily overwhelmed Love unconditionally "Love" conditionally High capacity for pain Low capacity for pain Bear pain silently and with patience Whiners Seldom call attention to themselves Braggarts Live confidently, day by day There's "always something..." to worry about May be left "holding the bag" "Squeaky Clean" Pick up after themselves Leave damage and behind in them Sharers Collectors What can I do for them? What's in it for me? Invest in people Invest in selves Willing to give virtually unlimited resources In need of virtually unlimited
attention and support
Dependable Dependent No time table Time, schedules closely monitored Flexible, open to sudden changes "Too busy" No expectation of return Tit-for-tat Simply give for the joy of it Pre-occupied with facade of "gratitude" Help people change their own lives Change people's lives for their own ends Committed to others Committed to self Support Undermine Energize Drain energies Seek opportunities Seek personal comfort Constructively critical Judgmentally critical Do for themselves and others Do for themselves only what others won't do for them Doesn't "use" others to a fault Manipulative Releasing Controlling Agenda is announced, overt, and
open to scrutiny
Cleverly hidden agenda Trusting of leaders Distrust any and all leaders Help unconditionally Help given until angered Trusting, able to give the benefit
of a doubt
Suspicious, untrusting Concerned with the essential
Perfectionistic and controlling Defensive/Supporting Offensive/Attacking Can face and work through pain Fear of pain and suffering Listeners Needy talkers Flexible Live by schedules Share comfort, confidence Share discomfort, fear Gospel-Driven Legalistic On spiritual pilgrimage Resist spiritual transformation Worships God by giving life as a living sacrifice to God Worships God according to their own set procedure, schedules, and manner Forgive, forget, and come back supportive Don't forgive unless they have to Spontaneous, fun-loving Rigid, rule-enforcer Willing to "break the rules" to show compassion Live, fight and die by "principles" and "rights" Willingly give up their own agenda for others Will stop at nothing to get their way Focus on becoming transformed for God's purposes Focus on conforming others to themselves Concerned with the important Concerned with the urgent Willing to pay the price for others' well-being Make others pay the price for their desires, needs, wants Permeable boundaries Impermeable, rigid boundaries Doers Whiners Proactive Reactive They come, assist, and when done, leave no
"silver bullet" behind
"Humbly" seek "deserved" attention, affection, reward and recognition for efforts Willing to wash feet, take out trash,
do dirty work
Refuse to submit to demeaning tasks below their dignity Focus on helping others achieve their goals Focused on titles, position They can be ignored as long as people aren't hurt Always must make a point and be heard no matter what the cost Help facilitate great healing Cause much pain Patient Impatient No shows Overly polite, mannerly Help when others hurt Cause helpers hurt Shed tears, feel deep grief when hurt Don't talk, trust or feel Accept responsibility for their own behavior Mercilessly project responsibility and blame on others Survivors Victims Submit to God's will God is Aladdin's Lamp Reality-based Fantasy-driven "If only..." "Things" just aren't that important Materialistic People are important My things are important Internally driven by "grace" values Externally driven Welfare-of-others conscious Status conscious Expansive Territorial Not appearance conscious (e.g. weight, height, clothes, figure, hair, coordination, flashiness) Hyper-conscious and hyper-sensitive to appearance Attention tends to be deflected away Draw attention to themselves by things (jewelry, cars, homes, et al) Do all they can to protect and
uphold their neighbor's welfare
Pre-occupied with comparing
others' wealth, benefits,
possessions to their own
Generous Covetous Spenders Savers Utilize all available resources "Squirrel" things Maintain confidences,
Gossip, innuendo, behind the back conversations are characteristic No need for secrets Keep secrets Give gifts freely Gifts have strings attached Relationship unconditional Relationship is conditional Want to reach out Don't want to get involved Concerned Aloof "I'll be there if you need me" "See ya!" Willingly works even amid unfair treatment and conditions Always expects "something for nothing" Will undergo humiliation and pain to assist others Avoid embarrassment and risk for others Always growing "Stuck" Encourages others growth Restricts others growth Mistakes are the path to growth Condemns, punishes mistakes Don't need to be asked Appreciate being asked and needed Takes care of self and others "Take care of me" Sensitive and genuinely empathetic to other's pain Insensitive to other's pain, needs Is always there for friends, acquaintances, strangers, and even foes Resists reciprocation of support, sacrifice Seeks reconciliation Seeks revenge Seeks ways to provide help Helpless: "I can't do it by myself!" Goes out of their way Just "too busy" Performs well even under pressure Tendency toward overwhelm If it's not yours, respect it "Take it and run" Have learned the "secret" of contentment "Make me feel good!" (food, money, attention, sex, religion, et al) Seeks constructive, positive means to achieve goals through genuine dialogue and constructive conflict Starts fights and perpetuates unrest but longs for "peace" Always satisfied, but looking for new opportunities for growth Never content, but unwilling to seek growth opportunities Future-Oriented Past-And-Immediate-Present Oriented Words and promises have meanings Words and promises can't be trusted Keeps promises "Intends" to keep promises Direct Indirect Cooperative Demanding Sharing, Open Controlling Calls for teamwork for benefit of others Call for "Teamwork" only for their benefit Patient Impatient Mature Immature Sharing Selfish Faith is a truly permeating
"Faith" is a shallow external facade Approachable Unapproachable Submits to God's will to be done High/unrealistic expectations of others to do things the right (i.e. "their") way Love-driven Fear-driven Release everything to God's plan If you can't control it, kill it! What will be will be good What will be will be (fatalistic) Gospel-Driven Law-Driven
1) Givers provide and inject energy and enthusiasm.
2) Givers are positive thinkers with a vision for the future.
3) Givers have a capacity for risk, pain and enduring through the long haul.
4) Givers uphold, encourage and support others.
5) Givers trust leaders.
6) Givers are committed and accustomed to sacrifice, sometimes great sacrifice.
7) Givers are able to spot needs and fill them.
8) Givers require minimum support for maximum effectiveness.
9) Givers reciprocate trust and confidence.
10) Givers respect others and take relationships and people seriously.
A Warning To Givers Regarding Takers
Why They Do It
What They Do
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give,
not reluctantly or under compulsion [as a "taker" does], for God loves a cheerful giver."
(II Corinthians 9:7 NIV emphasis added)
Index Articles 1-49
Articles 50-99 Articles
100-149 Articles 150-199
Articles 200-249 Articles 250-299 Articles 300-349 Articles 350-399
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This page was revised on: Tuesday, October 05, 2004 11:03:01 PM